"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
