just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
