he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
