I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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