he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What a dumb baby whore.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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