You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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