So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
