I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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