I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
