wanna go halves on a baby?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
