This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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