So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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