My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
