dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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