You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
