If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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