i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
