I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
