So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
