I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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