I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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