Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I could fuck to npr.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I need a beard to bite.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
