Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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