Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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