I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
