A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
