I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
