I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
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then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
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If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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