R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
