can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
