just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize