They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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