Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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