im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
