Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
