I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
