Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
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How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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