So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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