I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This girl is more easily done than said...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
