that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
