My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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