Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
