is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
