Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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