I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
