I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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