i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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