i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
