3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
