ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
