I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
