Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
