saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Who died my cat blue again?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
