Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
