I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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