idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
