Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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