Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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