True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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