it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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