Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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