So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
