So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize