I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I love having hate sex.
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found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
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I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard