things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas