I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
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God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.