you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.