i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.