I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
