she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
