P.S. I can't hear my feet
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
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