my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
