When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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