Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
