Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
