I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We are two peas in an std pod
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
