you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
