booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
this boner is exhausting
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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