I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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