You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
