I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
