Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
