What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
