I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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